I've repented...

Last night something big happened! That made me have mixed feelings about all that is going through. She could have been right about most things. Afterall, she has the best interest for me as well as the baby. I kmow i crave for my mother love and suppport especially now but she can be just as good too right? I donno why this change of heart and thinking. So confusingly miracle. But alhamdulilla, allah taala had finally shown me the correct path now. Insyallah, i will coorperate and as whatever decisions even when i hate them, it is afterall for my own good. I've repent and i will apologise.

One hard thing is to make hubby understand this change of thinking. He may find it weird because initially i sound like i hated her ways, her rules, restrictions and blame. But he was dissappointed when i tried to reason the over-dosage situation and he was like "ape ni? Hari tu salah kan mak. Kata normal..." i donno how to make him understand this change of heart. Ive repented, but i donno how to explain to him. Lost...

Over-Exerting myself!

I feel like crying because I can't do it again... I keep telling myself I don't have to prove anything. Because I'm expected to recover first and everyone understands that. Then why am I over- exerting myself? I just thought that if I could prove them something I don't have to come back here. I thought that if I could sleep the baby easily just now, I could do it again tonight. If I could make baby sleep soundly for 4hrs last night, I could do it again this night.   But I'm so tired, my back hurts, and I'm so frustrated. I better stop. This is a sign I need help. And I'm not alone. I don't have to prove anybody anything. I just do ikut kemampuan nu je k? Thank u hubby.

Wonder how is it like nanti on our own.

Should I Be Worried?

MIL noticed me holding my stomach and ask if it hurts. I mentioned it hurts due to a hard cough just now. Then she nag about pushing and carrying heavy stuff. (which to me was unrelated) the scary part was when she say she fear if i am well enough to be able to stay on my own after 2 weeks. She said if i faint and alone is worst. I am not nauseatic like she use to when she was postnatal. Any way the main topic was pain when i cough hard, not due to push the cot. I'm just worried if she use this as a strong excuse for me not to go back to my own home after 2 weeks. Pls dont!! I cannot take a whole month here. Torturously boredom. Sometimes i wish i could stand up for myself without offending her or making her think of the worst senario. Grrr!!

Sleep with Mummy?

Last nite, she wailed and cried alot due to extreme tiredness.. Whenever in MIL 's hands (and noisiness) she wailed! But in mine, she silent and tried her hardest ability to sleep (think she hates even the slightest noise when tired). Everytime I send her to MIL's room asleep... Awhile later, she wails like crazy!! And the same thing happen again a few times.. So a miracle happen (think it's god's willing alhdulilla) that tonite babyQ sleeps with me. At first I wasn't sure because I was a little immobile (but still can walk slowly... The hardest is getting on/off bed) but me and hubby agreed anyway.. Guess what? Alhamdulilla she sleep all the way till time to sahor! Smart girl rite..?

Felt nice when babyQ smiled at me couple of times after milk and then back to sound asleep... "Well Done!" hubby say... :) all smiles!!! Alhamdulilla.. Mayb what happen was really a miracle's god willing

Over Dosage!!!

I manage to breastfeed her a full 1hr session. I'm sure it was sufficient because she sleep so soundly and pass motion soon after. While she was sound asleep, MIL changed her diapers and this frustrates BabyQ. So she wailed moved her mouth about. That made MIL thinks that she is still hungry and insisted in formula milk! OMG this made me frustrated!! She cried because she was disturbed from her sleep! Not because she want more milk! YOU ARE FREAKING OVERDOSAGE-ING BABYQ!! Of course i tried to reason with her that she just needs to be rocked to sleep. (Obviously her way of rocking babyQ to sleep sucks!) and you what she say? She say "INI UMPAN DIA BUAT TIDOR..." OMG i was so freaking MAD! In my shocked mind i was like WHAT NONSENSE?? COULD YOU AT LEAST GIVE IT TO ME. LET ME MAKE HER SLEEEEEEP!! GRRR so angry. (Recently she concerned about last night when BabyQ pass motion 4 times in 2 hours! She blames it on the oranges i ate and told me to stop breastfeeding.) Now i realise the reason for her to poop to much was because of over-dosage! Breastfeeding plus formula milk at the same time! How do i stop this? MY BABY I KNOW WHAT IS BEST. Why cant you just listen. Its the OVERDOSAGE that makes her poop so much NOT THE ORANGES I ATE!!!

Oh yeah SHE IS STILL WIDE AWAKE NOW!! And obviously your UMPAN TIDO does not work! But bringing harm to my baby! I hate his control thingy! I should be the one in control. Im the mother of my baby after all!

August 27, 2011, 10.10 PM

Rock A Bye Baby...

Day 5. Things are much better today. I think I proved to MIL that I am well enough! To carry BabyQ and rock to SLEEP! yes to sleep. I was surprised to hear she is still wide awake since breastfed 2hours ago

Worry Breasy

Worried about my breast. It's hard like rocks. Painful like epidural injection! It's expressing little and breast pump seem not working well. Cost me a bomb but tge suction not suitable for short and inverted nipples. Maybe I should give up sooner then 6 mth? I read that if I breast feed less then milk production will slow and eventually stop isit? Sounds like good news? But will I survive the side effects? Like fever, feeling sick, engorgement and etc? Mean my problem same like my mum's which is having short and inverted nipples is already a challenge so it's ok rite? In this way, I don't have to stress over it. And cry and mull over it whenever MIL says "alalala kesian dia nangis tak cukup susu badan..." and me there panting, tired like crazy after the breast feeding! Not even a little motivation! Makes me saddened so much! Good thing abg always helps me with the reassuring part. :) I love him